disappointed all over again.

having a tired day..i slept in mod maths class today..but yet..i'm lucky to answer and write out the solution when my teacher pointed me out since i was sleeping during her period..so proud that moment..she said..'slept also know how to do??' haha..i brust into laughters when she said that..i was so blur when the teacher waken me up..paiseh nia...the whole class laugh..
after school..i took part in australia chemistry quiz..hard paper =.=

well..back to my personal stuff..i was playing facebook just now..i found out that..HE deleted me from his friends list..finally..he did things obviously..when i saw it..i was stunned..how could HE being such cruel?was it real or just an illusion?well..its time for me to wake up..i have to admit that he really deleted me..hmm..why am i wasting my tears crying when i deciding whether wanna give him bday present anot?why?sam is right..as he said..*what is the point i make it and give it to HIM when HE dont even take me as his FREN!!!jamie lee wake up la!move on!dont even care that fellow..*
everyone around me tried to wake me up..why izit i couldnt stand from this injured?izit i need more time to cure or izit i dont even wanna stand and get away from this stupid lie in my life?
vian was right..the reason we end our relationship was my attitude.and if a guy asked you to change..it means that he dont really love you..cause when we loved someone..we love everything about him/her..too bad that he lied me the reason of ending our relationship..
*i prefer being single* what a ridiculous reason.if YOU prefer being single then why YOU wanna get things started?wasnt it ended up hurting both of us?

i'm tired with myself to be insane for you..YOU DRIVING ME INSANE!!!
i gonna explode soon..gomenasai..i'm not perfect..

-end with disappointment-
-11.14 thurs 30/7/09-

Tired~

so long didnt update my blog..days had been passed away without YOU mandee..happy bufday yar..hope u enjoyed this year bday by our surprise party..well..i'm sorry for not being tough enuff that nite..24/8.to admit anot.i did cried.i dont know why..i had became a sober and sensitive nowadays..i couldnt control my tears rolled down to my cheeks..i missed the ways ur smile that belongs to me.but i missed mine more now..i'm tired fighting all these while by myself while i get to know HER had entered ur life..i found out myself and i keep on lying myself..but i get to know that..i am the last one to realise things had been changing..funny rite?i always saw you..but i can felt there's a wall last time..and yet..now was like a building between us..a building that cant be broken down..i wondered..when will the building dissappear..i really missed the way we chat..as a frens..by this time..i'm still waiting u to say hi to me..seriously..just a hi..nothing much..

HIS bday is coming soon..should i make him a present?i'm making it half way now..should i pass it to him?or i just wish him happy bday?or just ignore and pretend forget it?i dont want to do decisions that hurts my own feelings..

trial is coming soon..i couldnt pay attention in class..and i dont have the mood to work for my exams..i'm just a living corps..feeling useless and helpless..SHE seems like doesnt need me anymore..SHE having and spending her times with her loved one..i does not meant that i'm jealous or what..SHE just seems enjoyed her life without me..i seriously felt left out..i missed the time when we both single and laughed and shared eveything.i meant EVERYTHING..i know i sound selfish..ryte?no matter what i just wanna her be happy with her life..since i cant do anything to her..no more...cause having HIM had made her perfect..my last wish to do something great with her was..

*make the best bday present for her and celebrate the day with her..knowing her is the blessing of God..i do take this friend as my life accompany..arigato..to bring up my life and be there when i needed someone the most..you smiled when i was silly..you sad when i was hurt..you hugged me when i'm afraid..u tackled me when i was angry...*

-you always what to do whenever i changed my mood..but..i felt left out nowadays..
i dont know whether am i the same when i with him..i guess i am..i'm sorry..i knew how it feels and it seriusly pain to take..-

i'm back!

dear blog blog..^^ jamie lee is bak!hmm..i had a great saturday and sunday last week..and it is great to let my july month being happening month for me..last friday 3rd of july i get a duty to replace one of my school mate in bible knowlegde held in my school..in the 4th of july..i reach school early in the morning and start my duty until 1.00..i quickly get home and bath..at 3.30 i went to irene home!wow~1st time to her home~we played piano and her father did scared me..by the questions he headed to me..@.@''' but yet..irene din get to join me to desmond church..desmond invited me to his church activity and i ended up got the permission to go!fuhooo...so happy..desmond fetch me from rene home and we reach his church~nice church..^^
that day was the 1st time i saw him play drum..omg!HAHA...shhhh...
then we had our games and i ended up being the 'mangsa' get wet!everyone start chase after me and i start to run and scream for help..imagine that..swt lea..then we have bbq and get being served~wakaka..met william again..he changed alot..being more muscular these days..dont know what he did with himself..well..as conclusion..i had a great time in that church..

that night..i slept at 12.30..since i 11.30 reached home..and yet i couldnt get a good sleep..must thanks to andrew jai..called me up in the middle of the night..this is all because didnt reply me the whole night..he dialled me and try to explain the way to reach his church..4.30..bak to sleep~

here comes another day~the chilling morning..the bed was so seducing..i didnt feel like waking up..i wanna hide under the blanket..but..thought of my promise..i ended up wake up and bath..when i reach drew's church..everyone welcome me with an open arms..i get to know alots of new friends and this will be a great month for me~Praise The Lord!! i get my morning hug from drew and enjoy the worship in the morning..but...i tuk ngan fun during the sermon..yii...so fish lea..let him catch dou..T.T feel like digging a hole and hide..haha..but ahh..i get to see him play drum that day..5th of july!so yeng..eventhough he look kinda blur case~ wakaka..^^ after that..i get to know something new in the church during youth sharing time..it was a great time for me to widen my knowledge..thanks to serene..*hope i din spell wrong*..

hmm..i realised that i people have to move on in life..i think..K had moved on in his life..so..i must do the same things too..wake up from my memories and start create my future..i kena NS~i bet God wanna me use that time to widen my friendship web and forgetting K..K was a great guy..but too bad we werent meant together..well..there's still many more guys in this world..^^


today...6/7/09..i cut my fridge le..used up my braveness..cause this hairstyle was when i with K..but i seriously know that i cut my hair shows that i let him go in my life and open my heart to othas..i konw this sound silly..but..thats is me~originally me..hmm..let him go doesnt mean i had forgetten him in my life..is just that i had kept my love to him deep down in the earth..people should move on..

Fate or Fool?

LAst thrusday i tought i had lost everything.i start a new me on friday and i found another way to survive bt myself but everything seems being a lie until sunday..after starwalk i get to know my handphone was saved my cmun popo..i pray hard that my handphone not spoilt..but until yesterday.i hope my handphone was never been found..yesterday i saw him unexpectedly in mcd.i dont hope he gonna see me in such condition at that time..argh..we even sit opposite each other but yet did not chat at all..not even a hi came out from his mouth..such a disappointment..
today..23/6/09..was the anniversary..i hope he did remember the memories we had before~EVENTHOUGH he need me no more this moment..today i saw him again in chatter..God..why You keep on fooling me like that?i'm totally tired..everytime i tought i had overcome him..i meet him back..again..not even a hi came up..
after having my lunch..i walk to mcd for tuition..when i reach mcd..i meet him again..face to face..he drive his motorbike..when i saw him..i walked quickly eventhough the pain of my leg was bad..but no matter how..the pain in the heart is always the greatest..am i fated to never let him go from my life or izit just a little fool i made to lie myself ??
i learned to pray to God for the first time..everyone around me seems having bad times..i hope they will be strong and be with me all the times..
sometimes when we wanna to protect someone too much..we will ended up hurting them the most~

dear..you have been left me for a month..really a month..time passed too fast..i cant even accept it..yesterday i finally know the REASON you need me no more..
kinda hurt and speechless..i sooo damn hope by that time..i dont even know the reason..i'm disappointed..seriously..i wanna gave up..hope u rmb today's date..24/6/09.the day after a month you need me no more..

conclusion of being childish~

Yesterday was starwalk..i ended up twisted my own leg for being running with a small kid..haix..fall on the main road and infront of ex's were completely a shame..right now my left leg was bandaged while my right leg was bruishes on the knee..damn pain i tell you guys~T.T i would like to thanks christopher and pui yieu for accompany me to finish the race~poor chris have to carry me when i cant afford to walk anymore..hahaxx..i know i'm heavy dude..i'm gonna do sumthing about it ge la..haaaaa....yam gong..but i'm sure ur faithfullness will be repay by my long lasting friendship geh~^^ i felt disappointed.i'm not as tough as you guys think of..was a sentence of *are you ok?* hard to say out?why cant you just take a look at me or neither a glance when you passed by?the greatest shame i got wasnt falling on the road..it was failed to do every single things which linked to you..i followed your back for 6 km..while i fall down during the 7th km..why am i such a failure?i thought i manage to finish it together..i always tought it~

hmmm....I dont know why..i always expecting much from other people..or maybe i did think too much..are you just friendly or do you feel the same as i felt? why izit i faced the same problem when the same situation happen to me huh...tired being frustrated by my own imagination~God help me lea~

sweet memories~

yesterday 19/6 was the prom night..i was kinda worried how i look..well everything ended up kinda okay..i curled my hair~thanks rebecca jie jie..^^
well..many things happen to my ji mui yesterday..haix..pity her..
while i was kinda lucky get accompanied by a funny guy..andrew..his shoe spoil during the dinner..poor guy..we ended up singing *Fall For You* when deva's band start to bring the atmosphere up..we enjoy the night by music and dance..
talk about dance..this is the 1st time i dance with a guy..hahaxx..so damn funny..i was wondering..was he dancing or jogging??haha..honestly..i must really thanks him for not leaving me alone that night..well..it was such a regret for not taking pic with him..arghh~sob...T.T

well..talk about today..i went out with him and my friend's bro..we hang out in jj then ended up having our lunch in pizza hut..is kinda fun when someone accidently hit ur ice cream by pizza hut menu..hahaxx..i cant forget that~i just burst into laughter when i start to recall it..hahaxx..
2molo starwalk lu..hope i safety and soundly reach hum..hahaxx...
i must gambateh le eventhough *da bitch is gonna ruin my mood..haix..why lea..she going?bringing up so many trouble and mess..

useless and hopeless

Today i LOST everything..I dropped my phone in toiletbowl how useless and i..All my hopes and MEMORIES just fade away from me..I created my memories and yet..i ruin it all by myself..The very first things i tought off when i realised i dropped my phone..I started to think..if *he suddenly text me..and i didnt reply..IF IS ALWAYS THE BEST STUFF I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW..

I dont know why am i keep on lying myself and be such a childish thinking..LOST IS LOST..nothing gonna be the same anymore..but all i can do was just protecting my memories and sweet time in my life..BUT..today i finally destroy everything by myself..was it FAITH or COINCIDENCE?i dont know and i dont wish to know it..
knowing nothing is always better than knowing everything..

k800..can be a cheap and useless phone to some rich people..but for me..it was my treasure..i saved my money and babysit my niece to get the amount of money to get this phone..i bought it last December from my best friend..i only manage to get a second hand k800 cause there's no more new stock of it..
This phone had accompanied me during my sweetest time i ever had and the bitterest moment i passed through..I know i cant have this phone anymore..but..please give me miracle that i manage to save my memory card..
there were really really important pictures in my life time..i dont wanna lose it..

-i've failed to keep someone but please dont confisticate my love and memories-

i'm sorry..i dont want this happen again...

i really silly right?i cant bear to lose everything AGAIN..is too hard for me to take all this right now..all in my mind now was just the saved messages and pictures..
I had been memorised all my saved messages..but i still want it there for me when i needed it the most..arghh..why am i so careless??even my mum said the same thing to me..i felt USELESS..for not able to protect my stuff and myself.

tomorrow is gonna be the prom night..i had been waiting this night to come..but now..i dont really have the mood to decide what to wear..i dont want to be weirdo at that night..Last two days,one of my friend invited me to his table..but today..i get to know that i was situated in a table with someone i hate and frustrated the most..haix..everything seems not at my side..i wonder..tomorrow night..will it be the worst night i ever had?well..only God knew it..i just dont want my 1st prom night being a disaster to me..T.T